The anxiety is building up inside, this has replaced the joyful anticipation of the holiday season for those of us grieving our lost loved ones. Its 2:30 am a personal bewitching hour of pain and awakening. As I lie in bed trying to go back to sleep my mind races all over the place.
This time of year when we were kids was the most anticipated time for us. As we became parents this time of year was for family and our children, watching the joy in our kids eyes as they glow in the Christmas spirit, spending time with family members at thanksgiving. This will be year five without our Annika. Still numb inside, the black friday ads on the tv go un noticed, the crazy hussle and bussel of the christmas rush has disapeared. Sadly I dont really feel anymore this time of year, if we could cut this 6 week stretch out of all my calendars I would not miss it. Today I think of our Annika, going through her demons inside while also having all those joyful thoughts and smells of a holiday season. It must have been so tough on her, a teenager battling good and evil not understanding whats going on. All you parents and loved ones out there feeling numb this holiday season to the loss of your loved one, find your peace and enjoy the season again through the eyes of others. The rest of you as this season continues, do not loose sight of your inner soul, be kind, be a friend, be a neighbor, reach out, listen, all the hussle and bussel well thats just stuff, all the hyped anxiety we put ourselves through, it really does not matter in the scheme of things. Act from our hearts this season, look out for our loved ones, our neighbors who are struggling through life especially this time of year. There is hope in all of us, you matter.
